TOYS: An Evaluative Report

Submitted By: Okotiyo James

Visuals courtesy of Uncle Erik

Tuesday, November 29th 2011


Article 1: Zipper

Overall Rating: OOOO (4 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 8/10

Availability: Everybody’s got one. Even the Basmati rice.

Dangers/Toxicity: Minimal (slight stick risk)

Article 2: Egg Carton

Overall Rating: OO (2 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 5/10

Availability: Common, sometimes Mom takes it away when it gets soggy.

Dangers/Toxicity: Minimal (slight choking hazard, see above re: sogginess)

Article 3: Great-grandfather’s antique wooden box (1838!)

Overall Rating: 9/10


Availability: Rare. It’s an antique. Do you even know what that means?

Dangers/Toxicity: Mid. Watch out for rocking chair, sharp corners, ghosts.


Article 4: President’s Choice coffee canister with real coffee inside

Overall Rating: OOO

Amusement Factor: 7/10

Availability: Somewhat rare, Dad buys coffee in a paper bag.

Dangers/Toxicity: Null (cello tape keeps the lid on, avoids contact high)

Article 5: Philippa

Overall Rating: OOOOO

Amusement Factor: 10/10

Availability: Extremely rare. Only in Montreal!

Dangers/Toxicity: Minimal, says “Well Oko, I don’t know if that’s such a good idea” in a nice tone when I’m wrecking her stuff.

Bonus: Wears glasses, sings.

Article 6: Colander

Overall Rating: OO

Amusement Factor: 5/10

Availability: Common. Makes a good hat, but I hate hats.

Dangers/Toxicity: Minimal (slight hat risk)


Article 7: Drawer

Overall Rating: OOO.o (3.5/5)

Amusement Factor: 7/10 (I’d love to get it open!)

Availability: Common

Dangers/Toxicity: Mid-range (I’d love to get it open!)


Article 8: Mom/Mama

Overall Rating: OO.o (2.5/5)

Amusement Factor: 5/10

Availability: Sooooo common. She’s everywhere.

Dangers/Toxicity: Minimal, but no fun. Says No about eating cords, shoes, toilet.


Article 9: Set of nesting measuring cups

Overall Rating: OOOO

Amusement Factor: 7/10 (waning)

Availability: Common (most homes)

Dangers/Toxicity: Minimal (that’s why I’m not really into them anymore)


Article 10: Eggplant (“Aubergine” if you want to be that way)

Overall Rating: –

Amusement Factor: 0/10

Availability: All too common

Dangers/Toxicity: Seeds, Mom’s enthusiasm.



Philippa and great-grandfather’s wooden box are the clear winners here. Mom gets a middle score due to general lack of innovation (e.g. boringness) and cups’ stock is waning for the same reason. Expect to see more of zippers and drawers. Eggplant? Don’t get me started.