Just over a year ago, Mr. Field Commander published a review of some of his most frequented toys. Fourteen months older and wiser, Mr. Bister reports back…

TOYS: An Evaluative Report

Submitted By: Okotiyo James

Visuals courtesy of Mama and vimeo

Saturday, January 26 2013

 

Article 1: Vacuum

Overall Rating: OOO (3 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 8/10

Availability: When we need it desperately, we go knock on our neighbours’ door.

Dangers/Toxicity: Minimal (electric plug-in; noisy)

 

Article 2: Grocery bag swing – first swing out of two.

Overall Rating: OOOO (4 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 9/10

Availability: The more we use it/the more food I eat, the less I get to swing.

Dangers/Toxicity: Moderate (tearing/paternal exhaustion)

 

Article 3: Bedroom swing – second swing out of two

Overall Rating: OOO (3 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 6/10

Availability: Right there above my bed.

Dangers/Toxicity: Moderate (draw-back: requires parental locomotion)

 

Article 4: Wooden train and accompanying packaging (thanks, Cousin Lynn!)

Overall Rating: OOOOO (5 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 9/10

Availability: Wooden train: readily available. Packing peanuts: special occasions only

Dangers/Toxicity: Moderate (peanuts: choking; train: wanderlust)

Train

 

Article 5: Cooking implements

Overall Rating: OOOO (4 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 5/10, unless they try to take it away from me.

Availability: Everybody’s got pots and pans. Only some people have provolone cheese.

Dangers/Toxicity: Moderate (cutting, bashing, temporary removal for cooking purposes)

 

Article 6: Specialized cooking implement: Papa’s stick blender

Overall Rating: OOOOO (5 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 10/10 (noise, action, novelty, danger, smoothies: what’s not to like?)

Availability: Only when Mama’s around

Dangers/Toxicity: Severe (requires close adult supervision/nosiness)

Papa

(thanks Mor-Far for the sweater and Mimi for the blender!)

 

Article 7: Bowa the Bear (thanks Mimi and Grandpa Ken!)

Overall Rating: OOOO (4 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 7/10; Comfort Factor: 9/10

Availability: He’s always around, making inexplicable beeping noises.

Dangers/Toxicity: None

Bowa again

Bowa

 

Article 8: The word ‘no’; means ‘no’, ‘yes’, ‘maybe’, etc.

Overall Rating: OOOOO (5 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 10/10

Availability: All the time. ALL. THE. TIME.

Dangers/Toxicity: Minimal (they might take me seriously and actually not give me ice-cream)

 

Article 9: Papa

Overall Rating: OOOOO (5 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 10/10

Availability: Never enough Papa.

Dangers/Toxicity: Moderate (wrestling, carbon dioxide tanks)

 

 

Article 1o: Mimi

Overall Rating: OOOOO (5 O’s out of 5)

Amusement Factor: 10/10

Availability: I WANT HER HERE RIGHT NOW.

Dangers/Toxicity: None (removes hammers, knives, other inappropriate objects)

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